Nonviolent Communnication in Wartime
Kyiv, Ukraine
Posted to CNVC Global Home January 6, 2025
NVC in Wartime
Dear Colleagues:
In September of 2024, I had the distinct privilege of traveling to Kyiv, Ukraine to attend the Emerge Ukraine Pilgrimage (EmergeUkraine.com), invited by our colleague Kateryna Yasko. I met Kateryna when I took her inspiring NVC Academy course called “Evolution of Needs and Values through the Lens of Spiral Dynamics [in the Context of the War in Ukraine]” [Jan 2023]. I feel vitally interested in the war in Ukraine, and what I see as its global importance for the future of Ukraine and Democracy.
As an NVC trainer traveling to Ukraine, Kateryna asked if I would be willing to offer an NVC workshop ahead of the Pilgrimage. We collaborated in doing so on September 24, 2024. I found it to be a deeply moving experience, with 15 women in attendance, all with knowledge and practice of NVC. I have included a 5-minute video here, created by Kateryna’s team, in which we share reflections of our experience of the day:
https://youtu.be/DtIdo8hH8z4?si=NcyD98WHADoKIb24
We spent the morning learning from each other: I shared about myself and how NVC lives in me, and they shared about their experiences since Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine, and what they would like the global NVC community to know about how NVC lives in them at this challenging time. I took copious notes.
In the afternoon, I shared the supportive practice of Dyads in the tradition of Robert Gonzales and Robert Krzisnik of the Awakening to Life Intensives, and continued online by Simone Anliker in the Global Dyad Meditation Project (https://www.globaldyadmeditation.org) and others. We enjoyed practicing two dyads together.
As I go back through my notes, I feel tears of emotion and the sweet connection of that day. Many came to the workshop for the respite of just being together in the context of this work we love; our time together was deeply nourishing.
Their Experience approaching Three years of War
At the beginning of the war, many of the women fled Ukraine with exceptionally challenging journeys and are now back living in Ukraine. One had a bomb land in her yard. Their lives involve regular air raid sirens, drones, explosions in the air and on land. 50-80% of the energy infrastructure in Ukraine has been destroyed by Russia, leading to frequent blackouts and creative use of energy.
They shared their personal war journeys and how NVC is for them in this context. The themes were, using many of their words: the importance of NVC knowledge in authentically sharing their experience with the world as ambassadors of Ukraine, holding space for others, navigating their inner and outer terrain during their experience of war. NVC supports them to stay alive within, hold connection in their hearts, stay powerful, enhances their ability to unite and protect others, even under fire, to be present, soothe and inspire themselves, practice resurrection, come back to life, realize limitations, become more humble.
They offer workshops to groups and businesses, facilitate groups, provide frontline trauma therapy, work with the embassy, journalists, doctors holding the front line, provide training and education, offer bridge building between military and business. They use their NVC skills to support others with empathy.
Here are pieces of what they shared they would like you in the global NVC community to hear:
Stay curious, question information, learn more about the history of Ukraine and it’s everlasting fight for agency, sovereignty and independence from Russia. Do not compare. Come and see. Listen. Do not generalize. Respect differences. Do not have pity on us or glorify us – both are dehumanizing. Treat us as partners. Even in pain, be sensitive to the pain of others. When we may look aggressive, it's not because we are mean, it's because we are scared and in pain.
Words are important: It's not a conflict, it's a war, it's existential, it's about dignity and freedom. Those who have invaded them want to destroy their country -- having empathy for their enemies at this time is bullshit. They are living the protective use of force, scaled to an entire country. They need more than NVC. Other lenses can be supportive as well. Practical understanding of trauma is vital across the NVC community. They want to be a great resource for resilience and agility across the world.
The war has changed their focus toward people and away from material things. They have little time or energy for superficial relationships. Vital NVC skills are honesty, authenticity (don't sugarcoat, don't pretend), self-care, and mourning when others can’t recover.
They value moment to moment experience, each sip of their coffee; they feel life more sharply. “We will live our best life.” They value those who can stay with them as they share pain, rage, uncensored emotions. Growing this capacity is valuable. Acknowledge judgment, acknowledge hate. They worry about the impact of this war on the children.
War is the experience of the flow of death; NVC is the experience of the flow of life.
My Gratitude
I am deeply grateful to Kateryna for inviting me to share and to listen; and to the women – I was profoundly nourished and inspired by the opportunity to witness and connect. Kateryna’s contribution to the NVC community in Ukraine and beyond is significant; most of the women signed up knowing simply it was an offering she was making, without needing to know more. Thank you for giving me this brief glimpse into your world. I will be forever impacted by what I saw and learned.
~~~
Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good.
-- Clarissa Pinkola Estes