Over the summer I had the opportunity to participate as a volunteer at a camp where families and individuals come together to have fun and to practice and learn concepts of Nonviolent Communication in the context of being with their family and other families in community. I enjoyed the week on many levels.

In this post I want to share about one aspect that struck me during the camp and has continued to rest and evolve in my mind and heart since. There was some significant diversity at the camp, both culturally and socioeconomically. This diversity appeared to stimulate some issues that arose during the week and came to a head in the form of conflict by mid-week. The issues were addressed between the folks involved, but the leadership of the camp decided to have a meeting with all campers invited, to allow people to share about what was up for them in the context of the camp. It was a well-attended meeting, with support and activities for the children outside of the meeting where desired.

It was an opportunity for us to share with each other deeply about what it was like to come to the camp, to be at the camp, and what life was like outside of the camp. It seemed that nobody held back, and we learned much about each other and the cultures in which we live that stimulated understanding amongst us. For me, it was a powerful experience and I am grateful to have had the opportunity to witness and to share. We left that meeting in deeper connection with each other and the rest of the week flowed much more smoothly.

One mother said that she likes her son to stay inside their apartment because the world outside her apartment is not safe. When he is inside playing video games, he is happy, entertained and safe. A father shared that this was an eye opener for him because he wants his children to be outside exploring the world and is not concerned about safety where he lives. What a difference in perspective and experience! She continued to share that the dogs in her community were often chained and vicious. Walking with a friend in a community where people had dogs free behind invisible fences was frightening for her.

Another mother shared that, because she was in the minority culture at the camp, she hoped that those in the majority culture would have reached out more often to her and was not feeling as much connection as she would like. I shared that I had lost my husband one month before and didn’t know how to share this information easily. I worried about how it might feel for others to hear this and yet it was a huge part of what I was holding moment to moment, so I refrained from connecting with others as much as I might have. There were many more stories like this. You can likely imagine how just hearing these stories created a great deal of understanding and connection.

What the meeting reaffirmed for me was how much each of us is longing to be seen and acknowledged for our experience: what is important to us, what is challenging for us, what we are holding that might be invisible. What it has stimulated for me is greater curiosity. I’m noticing that when I have judgments, I’m attempting to move towards curiosity and an inquiry – even if the inquiry is silent. The inquiry is “What would you like me to know about you?” More specifically, “What’s it like to be you?”

It’s not always an easy question to ask or to answer. As much as we want people to see us, being seen fully is also a vulnerable experience. What if I am seen and not received with love and care?

What I notice in myself is that even if I don’t ask the question out loud, just holding the question in my heart changes my relationship to the person in a way that is softer, more tender, than when I’m simply holding the judgment. I like the way this feels better.

How would you answer this question? Would it be different based upon who is asking you? What do you want people to know about you? Are you comfortable sharing this information?

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