In my view, the state of nonviolence is when we are in complete connection with ourselves and others, regardless of what is happening. It is a place of clarity and authenticity, where there is no confusion. Wow, that sounds hard!
Marshall Rosenberg, PhD created Nonviolent Communication, which teaches us to recognize, listen and communicate from feelings and needs, rather than judgments, and begins to point us toward this state of nonviolence. I believe this is a radical realignment with how we have been educated to communicate in our culture. Many will say it is simple to learn and very hard to do! But as Marshall says, “Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly!
I have found that when I can communicate in this way, both with myself and others, I am more fully connected to my God given self, to my authenticity. I believe we were born with the gift of knowing how to communicate this way. Babies and very young children communicate this way before we educate them differently. “I’m hungry, I’m scared, I’m uncomfortable. Will you feed me, hold me, comfort me?” Studies suggest that babies also have the capacity for empathy very early in life. I believe we all have the opportunity to return to this state of clarity and authenticity at any moment.
This was exemplified so strongly for me in a workshop I held sharing my understanding of Nonviolent Communication. I worked with a gentleman who was a teacher regarding a challenge he had in his classroom where some students violated an agreement and a teacher/parent/student meeting was planned to address the situation. He was not looking forward to this meeting!
He began the process somewhat tense and angry as he described the scenario that unfolded in his classroom. As we explored the situation, he began to gain clarity and to get in touch with his needs and the needs of his students. I could see him begin to relax as, with this understanding, he explored how he would come into this meeting. At the end of the process, I asked him if he would be willing to share how he now felt as he considered the impending meeting with the students and their parents. He smiled and said, “I feel that I can be myself.” I felt hot tears come to my eyes as I heard him say this, and I’m actually noticing this happening right now as I remember! Wow, what a gift – to return to ourselves. When I think about this I see God smiling and saying, “Welcome Home.”
I have such a great passion for sharing this information which has been so transformative for me: through this blog and website and through workshops and working with individuals and groups. What would the world be like if we each could go into our next meeting with clarity and authenticity – fully connected to ourselves and to others?
If you are curious to learn more about Nonviolent Communication, I will be holding a free, three-hour workshop on May 18, 2013 to share the basic concepts and more about what I am offering. If you are interested in attending or have questions, please contact me at jbericksen2013@gmail.com.
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I loved this story. It does feel like a coming home to oneself.
Reading about your experience from one of your workshops leaves me with a warm feeling and so much hope. Yes, I want to trust that I can be myself, too. Thank you.
Gabi